Michael Bettendorf
Apparently, he
s a writer of some sort.

He has achieved worldwide renown for occasionally bolding text where he believes emphasis is required. He avoids third-person omniscient narrative mode because he believes that "omniscient" is a bit of an overpromise given his limited cognitive activity. He is not always certain when to use standard third-person (or first-person) mode.

Here are humongous jpegs of business cards from the three places he (I) has (have) worked:

Crispin ('90-'93)
J.Walter ('93-'97)
McCann ('97-'09)

A resumé is here. If you want to see some work that he (I) did at the places in question, send an email:

You can follow his (my) tweets here.

You can get LinkedIn™ with him (me) here.

You can drop dead next to him (me) here.

You can read the tiny epic #tweetnovel here.

The Facebook birthday video you haven't been hearing about is here.

It's not at all clear why anyone would want to, but you can follow HappyBirthday.com on Twitter here.

Brian is a sad, sad person with far, far too much information about Sixteen Candles here.

The number sixteen--which, by the way, is the correct answer--is here.

Yes, there are people who prefer birthday pie over birthday cake, and you can see the evidence here.

Though the webmaster keeps trying to hide it, I'm pretty sure pi to a million places is here.

The tragic story of Peter Frampton's wrenching departure from Humble Pie is here.

Do you feel like we do? Find out here.

You can weigh in on which of the five senses is the best right here.

Nothing offends vision like a typo, and there are two annoying typos in the phrase "rupture specimen" near the bottom of the page here.

An unpleasant list of 500 ways to get annoyed is here.

An unpleasant reminder of the continuing scourge of obesity in little ones in our inner cities is here.

The dark and shady part of Tokyo's inner city is here.

You can apply to visit the home of the leader of Japan here.

The people who insist Glenn Beck is a genuine leader are here.

The brilliant lyrics for "Cold Brains" are here.

The rivetingly bogus story of Ashley's brain on caffeine is here.

Elf will be so bummed out to find that the world's best coffee is actually here.

The world's best performance of a Kansas song by a 9-year-old girl is here.

A regular blog about the Wizard of Oz, a movie that was made like 8 million years ago, is here.

An irregular and unamazing blog about Ozzy Osbourne, a singer who was made like 8 million years ago, is here.

Trees that are 8 million years old? Seriously? They're in Hungary, and they're also here.

The feminine face of Hungary's far-right Jobbik movement, which has got to be the oddest title anyone has ever earned, is here.

The guy who blows up his own face is here.

Man's first face-to-face encounter with Sasquatch is here.

The biggest shoe, which presumably was made for the biggest foot, is here.

The official homepage of Flatfoot 56, everybody's favorite Chicago-based Celtic punk band, is here.

Tips for making the most amazing pancakes are here.

How Freud used free association to find out what was wrong with the freak who was free associating is here.

This beginning of this site is here.

The end is here.

If you find dead links in the above list, please notify me immediately and I will arrange for affordable funeral services in Cedar City, Utah here.