#tweetnovel
Begun two years ago with no
plot in mind, and no plan whatsoever, I, uh, ÒpublishedÓ the tweetnovel chapter-by-chapter at random intervals (but
never more than one chapter a day) mostly as an experimental exercise.
I had been toying with the
idea of this undertaking for a little while prior, but it wasnÕt until the
first line popped into my head as I was walking on a sidewalk in downtown
Bellevue on April 29th, 2009 that I decided to try it. I walked back
to my hotel room and tweeted Chapter 1.
From that first line, I
figured maybe IÕd go with a story about someone trapped in a room, vaguely in
the vein of ÒThe Yellow WallpaperÓ, because it seemed like a good analogy for
being trapped within a 140-character limit. After that, I was winging it.
When I got to Chapter 125
or thereabouts, it seemed like I could wrap the thing up nicely at Chapter 140,
and wouldnÕt that be deep? So I did.
========
Chapter 1: "Everything is fine," she said. "Except
that I can't blink." Evan turned slowly, dreading a full revolution. #tweetnovel
April 29, 2009 2:44pm via web
Chapter 2: It was already clear to Evan that he was not having his
best day. He did not need to see a talking doll to prove it. #tweetnovel
Chapter 3: Nevertheless, there was the doll. Without looking away
from her, he reached out toward the wall and rapped lightly. #tweetnovel
Chapter 4: Evan felt the not unpleasant sting travel from his
knuckles to his clogged brain. He made a note: the wall is real. #tweetnovel
Chapter 5: Don't look at the doll, he thought to himself. Or
perhaps said. It didn't matter. The doll would hear him either way. #tweetnovel
Chapter 6: Focus on something else, Evan. Anything else. How about
this: How did I get here? The doll was mute on this point. #tweetnovel
Chapter 7: What was it like before he was in the room? Upon
reflection, it wasn't clear whether there had ever been such a time. #tweetnovel
Chapter 8: If, in fact, Evan had never been outside of this room,
he wondered how he might calculate the length of his stay. #tweetnovel
Chapter 9: Without warning Evan dropped to his knees, which
surprised him. He had not been expecting himself to do such a thing. #tweetnovel
Chapter 10: Being on the floor allowed Evan to avoid the doll's
gaze, and also to look for clues to his life in the carpet. #tweetnovel
Chapter 11: The carpet, upon closer inspection (from a distance of
two inches), turned out to be mind-bogglingly fascinating. #tweetnovel
Chapter 12: Evan imagined an entire world existing inside the
carpet, perhaps including a man in a room with a talking doll. #tweetnovel
Chapter 13: Examining the tiny carpet world, Evan realized that he
may have unknowingly been a giant for his entire existence. #tweetnovel
Chapter 14: What if there was a giant looking at Evan in his own
carpet right now? It would be an amazing stack of coincidences. #tweetnovel
Chapter 15: He saw himself tiny and heroic, digging through the
crust and hardwood mantle to discover the molten carpet core. #tweetnovel
Chapter 16: He would surely be hailed as brave and brilliant for
discovering the core of the carpet planet, and justly rewarded. #tweetnovel
Chapter 17: The only reward I ask, Evan would humbly tell the
gathered Berberesque citizens, is to be liberated
from this room. #tweetnovel
Chapter 18: Evan awoke suddenly as if from a years-long dream,
face two inches from Berber and nose twitching from the fibers. #tweetnovel
Chapter 19: Evan considered immediately examining all the other
surfaces in the room for fascinating worlds. So much work to do. #tweetnovel
Chapter 20: He began by putting his face two inches from the wall,
senses finely tuned for revelation. Such intricate beauty! #tweetnovel
Chapter 21: Evan then moved his anthropological expedition to the
next surface: a smooth, black metal. He smelled gunpowder. #tweetnovel
Chapter 22:He could not recall ever having smelled gunpowder
before, so why was he so sure of this instant olfactory conclusion? #tweetnovel
Chapter 23: Perhaps the smell of gunpowder could be attributed to the
fact that Evan's face was two inches from a gun. #tweetnovel
Chapter 24:Evan placed his ear delicately against the cold metal
of the gun, listening for any sign of a tiny, hidden ecosystem. #tweetnovel
Chapter 25: He thought he detected a society living deep in the
barrel of the gun, coveting the light at the end of the tunnel. #tweetnovel
Chapter 26:Placing his mouth at the point of the gun, Evan spoke
gently to the tiny people living in the darkness of the barrel. #tweetnovel
Chapter 27: ÒHold on,Ó said Evan, his voice careening down into
the barrel of the gun. ÒI think I can get you all out of there.Ó #tweetnovel
Chapter 28: Then Evan did what everyone does when they encounter a
gun on a table: he decided to measure the room with his feet. #tweetnovel
Chapter 29: Evan had measured the room countless times, and could
not recall ever receiving the same result twice. Maybe today. #tweetnovel
Chapter 30: He began measuring the room, heel-to-toe, heel-to-toe,
ever mindful not to crush his tiny friends in the carpet. #tweetnovel
Chapter 31: He found the room to be exactly sixteen Evan-feet
square. Previous measurement: 18. This was terrible news to Evan. #tweetnovel
Chapter 32: Yes, the room now allowed fewer heel-to-toes. That
meant either 1) larger feet 2) larger Evan or 3) smaller room. #tweetnovel
Chapter 33: Evan pondered which discovery would be preferable: his
body growing infinitely, or his room shrinking to oblivion. #tweetnovel
Chapter 34: If his room shrank to a big-bang singularity, it would
just return him here in 12 billion years. Not helpful at all. #tweetnovel
Chapter 35: But Evan could not ponder the shrinking room any
longer, because the doll was now challenging him to a chess match. #tweetnovel
Chapter 36: Spying a wooden chess set on a low shelf, Evan was
filled with relief because now he would not have to invent one. #tweetnovel
Chapter 37: Evan began to set up the chessboard. The doll watched
him, but did not speak. Evan assumed she was strategizing. #tweetnovel
Chapter 38: Evan was too nervous to look the doll in the eye. Her
chess reputation was so strong, it glowed on her like an aura. #tweetnovel
Chapter 39: ÒI know what youÕre doing, and itÕs not going to
work,Ó Evan seethed at the stoic doll. He was wrong on both counts. #tweetnovel
Chapter 40:Evan sat down at the chess board. The doll opened with
the Queen's Gambit move. Evan knew instantly that he had lost. #tweetnovel
Chapter 41: In the middle the chess match with the doll, Evan felt
a disturbance. Today, he felt sure, was a bad day somewhere. #tweetnovel
Chapter 42: The chess match dragged on and on, a stalemate for the
ages. Then Evan realized he had yet to make his first move. #tweetnovel
Chapter 43: It felt like a finals match of a tournament that
started with all of humanity, and the loser was killed each time. #tweetnovel
Chapter 44: Staring at his king, Evan briefly wondered who would
handle the talking doll better: the king, or the president? #tweetnovel
Chapter 45: "Your move," chided the doll. His stalling
tactics a failure, Evan opened boldly. Twenty moves later, he had lost. #tweetnovel
Chapter 46:Evan was unaccountably, unimaginably angry about losing
to the doll. Seething, sweating, he vividly pictured the gun. #tweetnovel
Chapter 47: He walked over to the gun and knelt beside it. A
passerby might assume, half-correctly, that Evan was worshiping. #tweetnovel
Chapter 48: Evan gently picked up the gun and pointed it across
the chessboard at the doll. She did not appear to be impressed. #tweetnovel
Chapter 49: Evan whispered to his friends in the barrel of the
gun: "I promised I would get you out. Is everybody ready to go?" #tweetnovel
Chapter 50:He felt it before he saw it: a giant scorpion on the
ceiling behind him. Who to shoot first, the doll or the scorpion?#tweetnovel
Chapter 51:Giant scorpions being more dangerous than talking
dolls, Evan knew the scorpion must go first. Trigger ready, he spun.#tweetnovel
Chapter 52: Evan fired (upward) twice at the scorpionÕs gut, the
tail being off-limits due to potential poisonous detonations. #tweetnovel
Chapter 53:The giant scorpion was not there, of course. It rarely
was. But something even more fascinating was on the ceiling now.#tweetnovel
Chapter 54: Two clean bullet holes in the ceiling. Two tiny
windows that might show Evan a possible existence outside the room. #tweetnovel
Chapter 55: Evan approached the bullet holes gingerly, at once
fearful and exhilarated. Peering through, he saw only blackness. #tweetnovel
Chapter 56: He considered: if there was only endless, crushing
darkness outside this room, why did he think he wanted to escape? #tweetnovel
Chapter 57: Evan had imagined so many wonderful, well-lit
adventures outside the room. Clearly, he would now have to re-imagine. #tweetnovel
Chapter 58: In light of the endless darkness possibility, Evan
questioned: what if this room was the best place in the universe? #tweetnovel
Chapter 59: Imagining masses of people crawling on the outer walls
of the room, crying to get in, Evan listened quietly for them.#tweetnovel
Chapter 60: There was nobody out there. Did that mean nobody was
trying to get in, or that there was actually nobody out there? #tweetnovel
Chapter 61: Evan looked down, startled to find the gun still in
his hand. Fingering the metal delicately, he came to a decision. #tweetnovel
Chapter 62: Evan did what everyone does when they encounter a gun
in their hands: he decided to measure the room with his feet. #tweetnovel
Chapter 63: The room measured just shy of 14 Evan-feet, the smallest
it had ever been. This instantly rekindled Evan's anger. #tweetnovel
Chapter 64: Evan knew who was responsible for shrinking the room:
it was the doll, the same goddamn doll who beat him at chess. #tweetnovel
Chapter 65:The fresh anger, the gun in his hand...ahh, yes. Suddenly, it all came flooding back to him. He
had been on a mission.#tweetnovel
Chapter 66: Evan slowly pointed the gun at the doll, mindful that
he must not kill her. He did not wish to be alone in the room. #tweetnovel
Chapter 67: Evan fired once, nearly shattering his own eardrums in
the silent room. The doll was unfazed, aside from being shot.#tweetnovel
Chapter 68: Overcome by a wave of remorse bordering on nausea,
Evan examined the clean bullet hole in the doll's right shoulder. #tweetnovel
Chapter 69: As stuffing began to leak from the bullet hole, Evan
panicked. He began to quickly measure the room with his feet. #tweetnovel
Chapter 70: The rapidly shrinking room, predictably, was smaller
than it had ever been. Evan knew he did not have long to live. #tweetnovel
Chapter 71: Evan considered the many possible consequences of his
death, an oddly satisfying activity he'd never tried before. #tweetnovel
Chapter 72: He pictured a somber graveside service for himself,
though he saw no one in attendance. He looked on, transfixed. #tweetnovel
Chapter 73: Staring at his deserted graveside service, Evan
suddenly realized that there was, in fact, one woman in attendance. #tweetnovel
Chapter 74: Curious who the lone woman was--as she was the only
person at his funeral--Evan approached and touched her shoulder. #tweetnovel
Chapter 75: She turned slowly toward him, and even before he saw
her face Evan knew why his funereal friend seemed so familiar. #tweetnovel
Chapter 76: Evan took in the familiar face and closed his eyes.
ÒEverything is fine, except that I canÕt cry,Ó said the doll. #tweetnovel
Chapter 77: The doll, again. Evan was grateful that she was
attending, but also enraged. His funeral was making him confused. #tweetnovel
Chapter 78: Evan stepped past the doll and stood at the edge of
the hole where his casket was invisibly submerged in blackness. #tweetnovel
Chapter 79: After what seemed like an eternity looking down into
his grave, Evan stepped off the edge and dropped into the black.#tweetnovel
Chapter 80: Expecting his feet to land on a casket, or at least in
grave mud, Evan was surprised to find his fall uninterrupted.#tweetnovel
Chapter 81: Evan flew down through the darkness, the air cool on
his face. It was not so unpleasant, being in your own grave. #tweetnovel
Chapter 82: The black air suddenly felt like breathable liquid.
Evan tried to swim sideways, testing his grave's boundaries. #tweetnovel
Chapter 83: Plummeting happily through the light-void of his
grave, Evan had a thought that dug an immediate pit in his stomach. #tweetnovel
Chapter 84: What if, worried Evan, while I assumed I was falling
safely into my cool grave, I was--correction, am--actually dead?#tweetnovel
Chapter 85: As Evan plunged through the darkness, idly wondering
whether or not he was dead, his fall was abruptly terminated. #tweetnovel
Chapter 86: Having landed at the bottom of his grave, Evan found
himself surrounded by odd stacks of various-sized black boxes. #tweetnovel
Chapter 87: The question that bothered Evan was not what was in
the black boxes at the bottom of his grave. That one could wait.#tweetnovel
Chapter 88: The foremost question on Evan's mind was this: How can
I see all these grave-borne black boxes with my eyes closed? #tweetnovel
Chapter 89: Evan slowly opened his eyes to examine the black boxes
more closely, but the scene was not at all what he expected. #tweetnovel
Chapter 90: Evan could see that he was back in the room, the
talking doll glaring at him. Clearly she knew what was in the boxes.#tweetnovel
Chapter 91: The talking doll made it clear that Evan was not dead.
He decided to celebrate by measuring the room with his feet. #tweetnovel
Chapter 92: Evan measured the room with his feet, happy to be
alive. But there was some thoroughly unhappy news in what he found.#tweetnovel
Chapter 93: The room was, in fact, smaller than it had ever been.
Perhaps, mused Evan, this would be a good time to seek a door.#tweetnovel
Chapter 94: Having no recollection of ever entering or exiting the
room, Evan did not have any proof that there even was a door.#tweetnovel
Chapter 95: Evan began running his fingers slowly up and down the
wall, feeling unaccountably certain that a door must exist. #tweetnovel
Chapter 96: His fingers came alive while probing for the door;
Evan felt as though he could hear minuscule sounds through them. #tweetnovel
Chapter 97: As Evan listened to his fingers, they announced
something he did not expect. He turned slowly to see if it was true.#tweetnovel
Chapter 98: Indeed, fingers do not lie. Evan saw immediately what
they had been singing about: the room was shrinking rapidly. #tweetnovel
Chapter 99: There was no need for Evan to measure the room with
his feet. It was time for an escape plan, as it always had been.#tweetnovel
Chapter 100: Evan's fingers flew back to the wall, listening for a
seam that might reveal a door. The discovery was immediate. #tweetnovel
Chapter 101: Yes, a very real door. He could now leave the
shrinking room. As Evan began his escape, he felt a twinge of guilt. #tweetnovel
Chapter 102: The guilt made Evan turn around; the talking doll was
staring at him. Her expression could be read several ways. #tweetnovel
Chapter 103: Maybe the talking doll's expression meant she was
happy to see Evan go, sick of his temper and obvious chess moves. #tweetnovel
Chapter 104: Then again, the talking doll's expression could mean
she was begging Evan, pleading to escape the room with him. #tweetnovel
Chapter 105: Evan considered whether he should bring the talking
doll. The decision depended mainly on what was beyond the door. #tweetnovel
Chapter 106:For example, if there were a swanky cocktail party on
the other side of the door, Evan might be hindered by the doll.#tweetnovel
Chapter 107: On the other hand, if the next room held an angry
gathering of talking dolls, she would be invaluable to Evan. #tweetnovel
Chapter 108: Evan began to consider everything that he might take
with him. Like the talking doll, each had upside and downside.#tweetnovel
Chapter 109: The gun, for example. Was it crazy to bring the gun
with which he had shot the doll, or crazy not to bring the gun? #tweetnovel
Chapter 110: Evan's gun musings suddenly seemed trivial, when he
realized the room was half the size it was three minutes ago. #tweetnovel
Chapter 111: As the room shrunk, Evan thought he could hear
timbers grinding against each other. Or, no, that might be imagined. #tweetnovel
Chapter 112: Aural mysteries aside, it was time to get out of the
now-tiny room. Evan crouched and placed his hand on the door. #tweetnovel
Chapter 113: Once his hand was on the door, preparing to push into
the unknown, Evan witnessed a very unsettling phenomenon. #tweetnovel
Chapter 114: As soon as Evan's hand touched the door, the room
stopped shrinking. In fact, it appeared to be slowly expanding. #tweetnovel
Chapter 115: Yes, the room was, in fact, expanding whenever Evan
touched the door. This presented an unforeseen dilemma for him. #tweetnovel
Chapter 116: Should he stay in the correctly sized room (the devil
he knew), or go through the door to meet the unknown devil? #tweetnovel
Chapter 117: Evan kept his hand on the door until the room
returned to normal size. The room now felt like friend, not a trap. #tweetnovel
Chapter 118: "If I could walk, I would've gone through the
door." Evan turned to see the talking doll glaring at him, disgusted.#tweetnovel
Chapter 119: Evan knew the solution for the situation with the
talking doll. He began to walk toward her slowly, ceremoniously. #tweetnovel
Chapter 120: As he marched, Evan took in all the pieces of his
life in the room: gun, chessboard, carpet, wallpaper. And...doll. #tweetnovel
Chapter 121:If these pieces were the sum total of EvanÕs life, he
knew the one he valued above all else. He knelt in front of it.#tweetnovel
Chapter 122: The talking doll knew, as all women apparently do,
the question that was about to pop from EvanÕs quivering lips. #tweetnovel
Chapter 123: Before Evan could speak, the talking doll beckoned
him closer. She had something pre-nuptial to whisper in his ear. #tweetnovel
Chapter 124: Evan leaned in close, his ear a half-inch from the
talking doll's lips. Then she whispered the two horrible words. #tweetnovel
Chapter 125: At first, the two whispered words did not register
with Evan. But then it was clear as a funeral bell: "The walls." #tweetnovel
Chapter 126: In his kneeling, smitten state, his mind utterly
focused, Evan had failed to notice a most devastating development. #tweetnovel
Chapter 127: Evan had failed to notice that whatever spell was
keeping the walls from collapsing together had just been broken. #tweetnovel
Chapter 128: As he stood and ran for the door, with the room
shrinking violently, Evan decided that things did not look good. #tweetnovel
Chapter 129: Evan's problems: 1) The room was crumpling. 2) The
door was distant. 3) His left leg, recently fine, was now broken.#tweetnovel
Chapter 130: Yes, the collapsing walls had launched the bookshelf
like a wooden missile into Evan's tibia, crushing it instantly.#tweetnovel
Chapter 131: Evan hobbled toward the door, sweating as the walls
caved in more and more aggressively. It was going to be close. #tweetnovel
Chapter 132: Reaching the door, Evan pushed without resistance.
The door fell open as if it had been waiting for this moment. #tweetnovel
Chapter 133: Evan leaped over the threshold in a panic, feeling a
falling wall graze his broken leg as it dragged behind him. #tweetnovel
Chapter 134: Evan turned and forcefully slammed the door shut,
noticing in the process that his broken leg was no longer broken. #tweetnovel
Chapter 135: Ear to the door, Evan listened to the roomÕs
crushing, wrenching disintegration. He'd never heard anything like it.#tweetnovel
Chapter 136: Finally, there was silence. The room had completed
its tragic supernova existence, and Evan was glad to hear it go. #tweetnovel
Chapter 137: Evan's face was still flush against the door, eyes
closed. Only now did he stop to think about his new environment. #tweetnovel
Chapter 138: As he slowed his breathing and prepared to take in
his new surroundings, Evan heard another horrible sound: words. #tweetnovel
Chapter 139: The words made it very clear exactly where Evan was:
the only place in the universe that he did not wish to be. #tweetnovel
Chapter 140: "Everything is fine," she said.
"Except that I can't blink." #TheEnd #tweetnovel
March 29, 2011 4:53 PM via Seesmic
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