#tweetnovel

 

Having no plot in mind, and no plan whatsoever, I, uh, “published” the tweetnovel chapter-by-chapter at random intervals (but never more than one chapter a day) for reasons which, hmm, escape me at the moment.

 

It’s 140 characters per chapter, 140 chapters. See what I did there?

 

========

 

Chapter 1: "Everything is fine," she said. "Except that I can't blink." Evan turned slowly, dreading a full revolution. #tweetnovel

April 29, 2009 2:44pm via web

 

Chapter 2: It was already clear to Evan that he was not having his best day. He did not need to see a talking doll to prove it. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 3: Nevertheless, there was the doll. Without looking away from her, he reached out toward the wall and rapped lightly. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 4: Evan felt the not unpleasant sting travel from his knuckles to his clogged brain. He made a note: the wall is real. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 5: Don't look at the doll, he thought to himself. Or perhaps said. It didn't matter. The doll would hear him either way. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 6: Focus on something else, Evan. Anything else. How about this: How did I get here? The doll was mute on this point. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 7: What was it like before he was in the room? Upon reflection, it wasn't clear whether there had ever been such a time. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 8: If, in fact, Evan had never been outside of this room, he wondered how he might calculate the length of his stay. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 9: Without warning Evan dropped to his knees, which surprised him. He had not been expecting himself to do such a thing. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 10: Being on the floor allowed Evan to avoid the doll's gaze, and also to look for clues to his life in the carpet. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 11: The carpet, upon closer inspection (from a distance of two inches), turned out to be mind-bogglingly fascinating. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 12: Evan imagined an entire world existing inside the carpet, perhaps including a man in a room with a talking doll. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 13: Examining the tiny carpet world, Evan realized that he may have unknowingly been a giant for his entire existence. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 14: What if there was a giant looking at Evan in his own carpet right now? It would be an amazing stack of coincidences. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 15: He saw himself tiny and heroic, digging through the crust and hardwood mantle to discover the molten carpet core. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 16: He would surely be hailed as brave and brilliant for discovering the core of the carpet planet, and justly rewarded. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 17: The only reward I ask, Evan would humbly tell the gathered Berberesque citizens, is to be liberated from this room. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 18: Evan awoke suddenly as if from a years-long dream, face two inches from Berber and nose twitching from the fibers. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 19: Evan considered immediately examining all the other surfaces in the room for fascinating worlds. So much work to do. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 20: He began by putting his face two inches from the wall, senses finely tuned for revelation. Such intricate beauty! #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 21: Evan then moved his anthropological expedition to the next surface: a smooth, black metal. He smelled gunpowder. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 22:He could not recall ever having smelled gunpowder before, so why was he so sure of this instant olfactory conclusion? #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 23: Perhaps the smell of gunpowder could be attributed to the fact that Evan's face was two inches from a gun. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 24:Evan placed his ear delicately against the cold metal of the gun, listening for any sign of a tiny, hidden ecosystem. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 25: He thought he detected a society living deep in the barrel of the gun, coveting the light at the end of the tunnel. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 26:Placing his mouth at the point of the gun, Evan spoke gently to the tiny people living in the darkness of the barrel. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 27: “Hold on,” said Evan, his voice careening down into the barrel of the gun. “I think I can get you all out of there.” #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 28: Then Evan did what everyone does when they encounter a gun on a table: he decided to measure the room with his feet. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 29: Evan had measured the room countless times, and could not recall ever receiving the same result twice. Maybe today. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 30: He began measuring the room, heel-to-toe, heel-to-toe, ever mindful not to crush his tiny friends in the carpet. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 31: He found the room to be exactly sixteen Evan-feet square. Previous measurement: 18. This was terrible news to Evan. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 32: Yes, the room now allowed fewer heel-to-toes. That meant either 1) larger feet 2) larger Evan or 3) smaller room.  #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 33: Evan pondered which discovery would be preferable: his body growing infinitely, or his room shrinking to oblivion. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 34: If his room shrank to a big-bang singularity, it would just return him here in 12 billion years. Not helpful at all. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 35: But Evan could not ponder the shrinking room any longer, because the doll was now challenging him to a chess match. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 36: Spying a wooden chess set on a low shelf, Evan was filled with relief because now he would not have to invent one. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 37: Evan began to set up the chessboard. The doll watched him, but did not speak. Evan assumed she was strategizing. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 38: Evan was too nervous to look the doll in the eye. Her chess reputation was so strong, it glowed on her like an aura. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 39: “I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work,” Evan seethed at the stoic doll. He was wrong on both counts. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 40:Evan sat down at the chess board. The doll opened with the Queen's Gambit move. Evan knew instantly that he had lost. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 41: In the middle the chess match with the doll, Evan felt a disturbance. Today, he felt sure, was a bad day somewhere. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 42: The chess match dragged on and on, a stalemate for the ages. Then Evan realized he had yet to make his first move. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 43: It felt like a finals match of a tournament that started with all of humanity, and the loser was killed each time. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 44: Staring at his king, Evan briefly wondered who would handle the talking doll better: the king, or the president? #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 45: "Your move," chided the doll. His stalling tactics a failure, Evan opened boldly. Twenty moves later, he had lost. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 46:Evan was unaccountably, unimaginably angry about losing to the doll. Seething, sweating, he vividly pictured the gun. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 47: He walked over to the gun and knelt beside it. A passerby might assume, half-correctly, that Evan was worshiping. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 48: Evan gently picked up the gun and pointed it across the chessboard at the doll. She did not appear to be impressed. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 49: Evan whispered to his friends in the barrel of the gun: "I promised I would get you out. Is everybody ready to go?" #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 50:He felt it before he saw it: a giant scorpion on the ceiling behind him. Who to shoot first, the doll or the scorpion?#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 51:Giant scorpions being more dangerous than talking dolls, Evan knew the scorpion must go first. Trigger ready, he spun.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 52: Evan fired (upward) twice at the scorpion’s gut, the tail being off-limits due to potential poisonous detonations. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 53:The giant scorpion was not there, of course. It rarely was. But something even more fascinating was on the ceiling now.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 54: Two clean bullet holes in the ceiling. Two tiny windows that might show Evan a possible existence outside the room. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 55: Evan approached the bullet holes gingerly, at once fearful and exhilarated. Peering through, he saw only blackness. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 56: He considered: if there was only endless, crushing darkness outside this room, why did he think he wanted to escape? #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 57: Evan had imagined so many wonderful, well-lit adventures outside the room. Clearly, he would now have to re-imagine. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 58: In light of the endless darkness possibility, Evan questioned: what if this room was the best place in the universe? #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 59: Imagining masses of people crawling on the outer walls of the room, crying to get in, Evan listened quietly for them.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 60: There was nobody out there. Did that mean nobody was trying to get in, or that there was actually nobody out there? #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 61: Evan looked down, startled to find the gun still in his hand. Fingering the metal delicately, he came to a decision. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 62: Evan did what everyone does when they encounter a gun in their hands: he decided to measure the room with his feet. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 63: The room measured just shy of 14 Evan-feet, the smallest it had ever been. This instantly rekindled Evan's anger. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 64: Evan knew who was responsible for shrinking the room: it was the doll, the same goddamn doll who beat him at chess. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 65:The fresh anger, the gun in his hand...ahh, yes. Suddenly, it all came flooding back to him. He had been on a mission.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 66: Evan slowly pointed the gun at the doll, mindful that he must not kill her. He did not wish to be alone in the room. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 67: Evan fired once, nearly shattering his own eardrums in the silent room. The doll was unfazed, aside from being shot.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 68: Overcome by a wave of remorse bordering on nausea, Evan examined the clean bullet hole in the doll's right shoulder. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 69: As stuffing began to leak from the bullet hole, Evan panicked. He began to quickly measure the room with his feet. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 70: The rapidly shrinking room, predictably, was smaller than it had ever been. Evan knew he did not have long to live. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 71: Evan considered the many possible consequences of his death, an oddly satisfying activity he'd never tried before. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 72: He pictured a somber graveside service for himself, though he saw no one in attendance. He looked on, transfixed. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 73: Staring at his deserted graveside service, Evan suddenly realized that there was, in fact, one woman in attendance. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 74: Curious who the lone woman was--as she was the only person at his funeral--Evan approached and touched her shoulder. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 75: She turned slowly toward him, and even before he saw her face Evan knew why his funereal friend seemed so familiar. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 76: Evan took in the familiar face and closed his eyes. “Everything is fine, except that I can’t cry,” said the doll. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 77: The doll, again. Evan was grateful that she was attending, but also enraged. His funeral was making him confused. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 78: Evan stepped past the doll and stood at the edge of the hole where his casket was invisibly submerged in blackness. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 79: After what seemed like an eternity looking down into his grave, Evan stepped off the edge and dropped into the black.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 80: Expecting his feet to land on a casket, or at least in grave mud, Evan was surprised to find his fall uninterrupted.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 81: Evan flew down through the darkness, the air cool on his face. It was not so unpleasant, being in your own grave. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 82: The black air suddenly felt like breathable liquid. Evan tried to swim sideways, testing his grave's boundaries. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 83: Plummeting happily through the light-void of his grave, Evan had a thought that dug an immediate pit in his stomach. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 84: What if, worried Evan, while I assumed I was falling safely into my cool grave, I was--correction, am--actually dead?#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 85: As Evan plunged through the darkness, idly wondering whether or not he was dead, his fall was abruptly terminated. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 86: Having landed at the bottom of his grave, Evan found himself surrounded by odd stacks of various-sized black boxes. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 87: The question that bothered Evan was not what was in the black boxes at the bottom of his grave. That one could wait.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 88: The foremost question on Evan's mind was this: How can I see all these grave-borne black boxes with my eyes closed? #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 89: Evan slowly opened his eyes to examine the black boxes more closely, but the scene was not at all what he expected. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 90: Evan could see that he was back in the room, the talking doll glaring at him. Clearly she knew what was in the boxes.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 91: The talking doll made it clear that Evan was not dead. He decided to celebrate by measuring the room with his feet. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 92: Evan measured the room with his feet, happy to be alive. But there was some thoroughly unhappy news in what he found.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 93: The room was, in fact, smaller than it had ever been. Perhaps, mused Evan, this would be a good time to seek a door.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 94: Having no recollection of ever entering or exiting the room, Evan did not have any proof that there even was a door.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 95: Evan began running his fingers slowly up and down the wall, feeling unaccountably certain that a door must exist. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 96: His fingers came alive while probing for the door; Evan felt as though he could hear minuscule sounds through them. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 97: As Evan listened to his fingers, they announced something he did not expect. He turned slowly to see if it was true.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 98: Indeed, fingers do not lie. Evan saw immediately what they had been singing about: the room was shrinking rapidly. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 99: There was no need for Evan to measure the room with his feet. It was time for an escape plan, as it always had been.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 100: Evan's fingers flew back to the wall, listening for a seam that might reveal a door. The discovery was immediate. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 101: Yes, a very real door. He could now leave the shrinking room. As Evan began his escape, he felt a twinge of guilt. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 102: The guilt made Evan turn around; the talking doll was staring at him. Her expression could be read several ways. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 103: Maybe the talking doll's expression meant she was happy to see Evan go, sick of his temper and obvious chess moves. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 104: Then again, the talking doll's expression could mean she was begging Evan, pleading to escape the room with him. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 105: Evan considered whether he should bring the talking doll. The decision depended mainly on what was beyond the door. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 106:For example, if there were a swanky cocktail party on the other side of the door, Evan might be hindered by the doll.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 107: On the other hand, if the next room held an angry gathering of talking dolls, she would be invaluable to Evan. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 108: Evan began to consider everything that he might take with him. Like the talking doll, each had upside and downside.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 109: The gun, for example. Was it crazy to bring the gun with which he had shot the doll, or crazy not to bring the gun? #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 110: Evan's gun musings suddenly seemed trivial, when he realized the room was half the size it was three minutes ago. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 111: As the room shrunk, Evan thought he could hear timbers grinding against each other. Or, no, that might be imagined. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 112: Aural mysteries aside, it was time to get out of the now-tiny room. Evan crouched and placed his hand on the door. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 113: Once his hand was on the door, preparing to push into the unknown, Evan witnessed a very unsettling phenomenon. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 114: As soon as Evan's hand touched the door, the room stopped shrinking. In fact, it appeared to be slowly expanding. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 115: Yes, the room was, in fact, expanding whenever Evan touched the door. This presented an unforeseen dilemma for him. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 116: Should he stay in the correctly sized room (the devil he knew), or go through the door to meet the unknown devil? #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 117: Evan kept his hand on the door until the room returned to normal size. The room now felt like friend, not a trap. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 118: "If I could walk, I would've gone through the door." Evan turned to see the talking doll glaring at him, disgusted.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 119: Evan knew the solution for the situation with the talking doll. He began to walk toward her slowly, ceremoniously. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 120: As he marched, Evan took in all the pieces of his life in the room: gun, chessboard, carpet, wallpaper. And...doll. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 121:If these pieces were the sum total of Evan’s life, he knew the one he valued above all else. He knelt in front of it.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 122: The talking doll knew, as all women apparently do, the question that was about to pop from Evan’s quivering lips. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 123: Before Evan could speak, the talking doll beckoned him closer. She had something pre-nuptial to whisper in his ear. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 124: Evan leaned in close, his ear a half-inch from the talking doll's lips. Then she whispered the two horrible words. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 125: At first, the two whispered words did not register with Evan. But then it was clear as a funeral bell: "The walls." #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 126: In his kneeling, smitten state, his mind utterly focused, Evan had failed to notice a most devastating development. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 127: Evan had failed to notice that whatever spell was keeping the walls from collapsing together had just been broken. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 128: As he stood and ran for the door, with the room shrinking violently, Evan decided that things did not look good. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 129: Evan's problems: 1) The room was crumpling. 2) The door was distant. 3) His left leg, recently fine, was now broken.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 130: Yes, the collapsing walls had launched the bookshelf like a wooden missile into Evan's tibia, crushing it instantly.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 131: Evan hobbled toward the door, sweating as the walls caved in more and more aggressively. It was going to be close. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 132: Reaching the door, Evan pushed without resistance. The door fell open as if it had been waiting for this moment. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 133: Evan leaped over the threshold in a panic, feeling a falling wall graze his broken leg as it dragged behind him. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 134: Evan turned and forcefully slammed the door shut, noticing in the process that his broken leg was no longer broken. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 135: Ear to the door, Evan listened to the room’s crushing, wrenching disintegration. He'd never heard anything like it.#tweetnovel

 

Chapter 136: Finally, there was silence. The room had completed its tragic supernova existence, and Evan was glad to hear it go. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 137: Evan's face was still flush against the door, eyes closed. Only now did he stop to think about his new environment. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 138: As he slowed his breathing and prepared to take in his new surroundings, Evan heard another horrible sound: words. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 139: The words made it very clear exactly where Evan was: the only place in the universe that he did not wish to be. #tweetnovel

 

Chapter 140: "Everything is fine," she said. "Except that I can't blink." #TheEnd #tweetnovel

March 29, 2011 4:53 PM via Seesmic Desktop